I enjoy grocery shopping. It was especially nice when I was single. I was one of those middle-of-the-night shoppers, and relished the time I was able to relax while wandering the aisles in the wee hours of the morning! In fact, oftentimes a big night out wasn't complete until I'd done my shopping... I looked forward to it.
I have found it extremely difficult to do my grocery shopping since having knee surgery. I went with my family once (after being stuck in the house for a week) only to find that I didn't want to go that way again. So I have been venturing out on my own.
Here's the thing: I don't normally like drawing attention to myself. But when you're riding a scooter through Wal*Mart it's not easy to be inconspicuous.
I feel stupid. I feel like people are looking at me thinking I should be on my feet. I am used to being on my feet. I carry my crutches with me (even though the cart is small) because I don't want people to look at me without knowing about my knee and wonder what I'm doing riding a scooter. It's embarrassing. But I can't help it. I'm proud. And not very good at accepting help -- even from a scooter. I know it shouldn't bother me; that it's not a big deal, but it does and it is.
After my surgery Craig suggested that I ask the doctor about a getting a temporary handicapped parking pass. (Yeah, right!)
It's been three weeks since then.
Today I got one.
It's valid until May 2009.
I'll be starting physical therapy soon and have discovered that walking a long distance on crutches isn't easy. It also takes a lot longer to get from one place to another when you can't use both of your legs. Enough said.
I feel broken.
I'm trying to focus on the positive. I'm attempting to do what I can. It's hard though when I can't even walk out to the curb to get the mail. And not because I can't walk, but because I can't carry it back to the house while I'm walking.
Logan has been so good to set the table and get little things for me when I need them. I told him I'm going to get him something special for being such a good helper. He and Craig couldn't be better at taking care of me right now. And despite my self-pity at the moment, I am grateful.
I keep telling myself 'only four more weeks'! Let's see where that gets me.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Pity Party
Posted by Gigi at 9:02 PM
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2 comments:
Oh Gigi! This must be so tough for you!! I'm so sorry! I totally understand the shopping cart thing though. When we first moved into the house I was 8 months pregnant and kept going into false labor because I was overdoing it. It got so bad that I had to rest almost all the time or I'd start contracting. I had been good for a couple of days so I decided to go grocery shopping - well, that wasn't a good idea - it almost sent me to the hospital. Well, Josh just isn't a shopper - so we had to go out as a family and I had to ride around in one of those carts!! It was AWFUL!! I imagined everybody was looking at me thinking I shouldn't be using it. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? Hopefully it won't be for much longer.
can I just say I whole-heartedly enjoyed your post! Sorry.. for all the headache, although I am so tired at times I would love one of those handi-cap stickers... keep that around! love and miss you lots!
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